What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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