I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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