I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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