I could make wine with my vomit
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
