Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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