Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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