I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
