nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
