I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
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