nut hugger
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
