I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
My feet surprised me
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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