were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Randomize
