My balls are so social today.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
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