you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
