i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
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