That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
