Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
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