Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
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