Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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