He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
