I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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