He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
