What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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