he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
