Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
