I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize