Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Randomize
