Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
