I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
so explain again why im purple
no
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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