you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
