i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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