I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
