I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
