I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
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I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
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All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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