left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
