the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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