Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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