What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
should my penis look like a turkey
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
