Will you blow on my dice?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
