Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
