I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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