I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
sex in a hospital.. check
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
