my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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