I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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