So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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