im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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