she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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