I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
