It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
The best walk of shames are on the highway
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
