I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize