did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
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your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
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I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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