So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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