That's when you crack a 10am beer
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Randomize
