office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
