My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
