Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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