absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
