I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize