yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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