i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
why is half of my head shaved?
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