You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
