he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
