I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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