yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
