i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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