This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
