I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
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She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
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When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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