she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
