Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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