remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
