just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
