you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
