Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
