I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
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