I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize