DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
