Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
